


trust (lean toward me and i'll lean back)

by pocketgalaxies



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, F/M, death tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 05:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3238268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocketgalaxies/pseuds/pocketgalaxies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kirsch wonders how he could survive without Danny but realizes Danny couldn’t really survive without Kirsch either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	trust (lean toward me and i'll lean back)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whatsthedamage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsthedamage/gifts).



You feel kind of empty when people start filing out of 307, because it finally hits you that nobody will be in your dorm room to eat pizza and watch football with you tonight. You know Laura is probably going through more than you (she _loved_ Carmilla, in that love-love kind of way), but Will was a best friend even if he was an evil vampire, and you and Laura will both be sleeping with an empty bed across the room tonight. Your tears feel like acid stinging your eyes.

Danny kisses a frighteningly still Laura on the top of her head, her gaze lingering at Laura’s empty eyes before she turns to you and motions to leave the room with the rest of them. You nod and stand up, shifting uncomfortably in your sling before following Danny and closing the door behind you.

(You can both hear Laura breaking into sobs through the door but you ignore it, choke down acid tears and walk to the stairwell together.)

Danny starts to almost furiously adjust your sling, gulping and bowing her head down. You watch in silence, because it’s surprisingly easy to imagine yourself in her position, and you know nothing would be of much comfort, aside from _space_.

When she’s finished and she looks up at you, she’s glaring at you like she always is, but it’s a bit broken and her eyes are red. You pretend not to notice.

"Hey." Her voice breaks, and you want to cry. "Look, I know we’re supposed to hate each other or whatever, but everything that happened today was seriously fucked up, so. You can stay at the Society dorms if you want." She sniffs again, swallowing indignantly and glancing down at her feet before leveling you with another glare, this one seeming a little less broken but a little more defensive and…hopeful.

You choke out a, "Thanks," voice cracking before the dam breaks and you’re sobbing into her shoulder. She walks you to the building and you can’t see her tears through your own as she makes sure you’re in a position that won’t hurt your arm and then turns off the light and closes the door quietly.

You realize war is just as devastating for the survivors.

::

Carmilla turns out to be a lot worse-off than she seemed when she said, "Well that was a kick," with all that confidence you don’t really want to admit you missed a whole lot the past few days. She has a few broken ribs and a sprained ankle, and LaFontaine still hasn’t figured out what those scratches from the sword are on her hands, so getting out of bed is a big no-no with Laura Hollis on watch.

But Laura is also an honorable student or whatever (she’s so smart, you always knew she was) so she goes to class and puts you and Danny on "Carmilla watch" with a playful, "Besides, I think you two should get to be better friends!" Danny scowls at you and you glare right back.

Laura seems to have forgotten that Carmilla is nocturnal, so "watching" is basically pointless seeing as Carmilla just sleeps the entire time. You pull out your anatomy homework but around five minutes in you want to pull your hair out because literally _none of this makes sense_.

Danny pulls up a chair next to you and laughs when she sees the questions you’re stuck on. Labeling muscle cells.

"Dude, this homework is so easy, what is wrong with you?" she says, chuckling and shaking her head. You wish you had the heart to tell her you are very intelligent, thank you very much, but you...really don’t know. What _is_ wrong with you?

"I don’t know, alright? I have _no_ idea what’s going on in this class. Happy?" you grumble, dropping your pencil on the paper and holding your head in frustration. She doesn’t reply and you don’t have to see to know that there’s a look of surprise on her face. You hate thinking about it. You're supposed to be better than her for fuck's sake.

But then, you feel slow hands pulling yours from the sides of your head, and you look up to see worried, apologetic blue eyes.

"Hey, just joking, okay?" She gives you an encouraging, kind of gentle smile. "It was just a joke. A stupid one. I’m sorry."

"Yeah, whatever," you mumble. She shifts in her chair, leaning forward and taking the pencil, scribbling an admittedly _impeccable_ diagram on a piece of paper and showing it to you.

Before you know it, she’s explaining calcium ions and myosin and actin and sarcomeres and those words actually make sense to you now, and it’s really a miracle the lack of punching every time she jabs at how bad you are at biology, but you think it’s equally as miraculous when her eyes look careful and somehow you don’t feel useless anymore, only thankful. 

Two days later, you visit her at track practice to tell her you got a 95 on the most recent test, and she gives you a high five (you don’t want to admit hurt your hand a _lot_ ) and a hug (you wish lasted forever).

::

When you announce you’re dating, Laura literally shoots out of her chair in the café and Carmilla raises her eyebrows and grins knowingly around her coffee cup. The barista glares at your table so Laura sits down quietly, clearing her throat before leaning forward and smiling excitedly.

"You guys, that’s amazing!" Then she hesitates. "It took you long enough though." She glances at Carmilla, who nods in agreement.

"What do you mean?" you ask, confused. Laura gestures vaguely to you and Danny, looking like a combination of frustration, amazement, and a loss of words.

"You two are just…I don't know, it was so _obvious_ you liked each other," she gets out. 

"It was?" Danny asks, tilting her head. Laura nods vigorously before launching into some long commentary of your banter and interactions over the past three months. You zone out pretty early on, but you see the way Carmilla looks at Laura (like she’s Carmilla’s savior) and you wonder if that’s how you look at Danny.

(If it is, then you think you can understand why it was so obvious.)

::

The fact that she came to your game isn’t a big distraction (that’s what you tell yourself), but while you’re sprinting somewhere for some reason with a football possibly under your arm but maybe not (it doesn’t really matter to you anymore), you think of Danny in the bleachers, eating popcorn and cheering and screaming at refs, and then all of a sudden you’re flying through the air and your head is hitting the ground _hard_.

When you wake up, your head hurts and your ankle is in a cast. White-washed walls and bright lights and a shrill buzzing in your ears make your migraine hurt so much you kind of have the urge to jump into a lake somewhere. Around the headache, you can see a few Zetas and your mom standing around the bed, and Danny is sitting on the stool next to you, biting her lip.

You faintly hear the doctor remind the lot, "Try not to overreact. We don’t know what the concussion could have done to his memory yet." And that’s when you get an idea.

You blink your eyes, waiting for your pupils to adjust to the lights before you groan and try to sit up. About a thousand pairs of hands frantically but gently push you back onto the bed with an assortment of _dude chill_ , _don’t sit up_ , _lay down bro_ , and _stop, are you crazy_.

You sigh and sink your head back onto the really hard hospital pillow, fixing your gaze on Danny and furrowing your eyebrows. 

"Hey hottie. Who are you?" you ask, looking to your mom and your bros for an answer before looking back at her. She looks like her soul just left her body. She leans forward and grabs your hand, and you pout at your clasped fingers in confusion.

"Kirsch…Kirsch, it’s me. Danny. Danny Lawrence," she says slowly, and you can see her swallow, you can see her tell herself, _Danny Lawrence don’t you dare cry_. You cover a laugh with a cough: you kind of feel guilty, but you also kind of feel like you're having lots of fun.

You shrug as much as you can in the bed, say, "Sorry man. I have no idea who you are." She opens her mouth but nothing comes out and her eyes start glistening with tears, and this was fun at first but now you just really don’t want any of those tears to fall out, so when she goes to let go of your hand so your mom can sit down instead, you grab onto her and she turns in surprise.

"Although…you do kind of look like my girlfriend. She’s really tall and she’s super hot, and she tutors me in biology sometimes. She’s part of Summer Society, which kinda sucks, but she makes me really happy and she’s probably saved my life about a million times, and I really don’t know what I’d do without her. Her name is Danny La—" You point at her with a mock epiphany. "Oh—hey! That’s you, isn’t it?"

Her face is so red and her jaw is hanging so low that you start laughing even though you’re pretty sure you have a gigantic bruise on your stomach, and everyone in the room heaves a giant sigh of relief. She gasps in anger and throws your hand to the bed.

"Brody _fucking Kirsch_!" she exclaims, slapping you repeatedly on the arm and chest. You curl up in a fluster of pain and amusement, and the doctor uselessly tries to calm her down. "I _hate_ you!"

Your laughter dies down and you look at her, and you think your joke was a bit counter-productive because now she’s crying even more than she probably would have if you actually did forget her. (Oops.) She throws her arms around your neck, soaking your gross hospital gown with tears, and you rub placating circles on her back.

And you realize that Danny Lawrence could probably beat you in any fight, but she needs you to take care of her sometimes too.

"You stupid asshole."

"You know you love me."

**Author's Note:**

> Completed: 1/25/15 16:43


End file.
